I love being a witch! 

I did a binding spell on Raj so that his negativity won’t affect me. I’ve cleaned and blessed my house. I’ve managed to pay rent, water, electric and gas. I’ve got my car payment taken care of. I have the paperwork in place for Raj to move out on the 8th of this month. I’ve regenerated my green thumb and managed to pot some really beautiful succulents and ivys. I’ve gotten a spice rack and hung it up with magical spices and now using my desk as my alter as so I will get more use out of the desk. 

I plan on washing my sheets, laundry, livingroom rug and towels today. I may be allergic to eating lemons or lemonjuice, but that doesn’t mean I can’t clean the fuck out of my house with it! Need to clean my bathroom and re-organize my old alter & desk. My house smells so nice. Cleaned that fridge out yesterday. God that was gross. Cleaned that kitchen from top to bottom minus the floor. Absolutely fantastic. 

I am ready. I am ready for good things to happen. I am open and ready for miracles to happen in my life daily. I am ready to take control of my life, my job, my finances, myself. I no longer object or hide from the fact I am a witch. I am embracing who I truly am. If others don’t like it, then they can go their way. I wish no harm on others. 

I also got my pictures from the photography I had done back in January. Yes, it took that long to get them. They look fabulous though. :-) 

All signs are pointing me in a different direction in my home life. I need a tag that says, “Does not live well with other people”. Or perhaps one that says, “I’m not domesticated” or even one that says, “Personal time is a must or I will explode like a time bomb”. Each of these statements are true to me.

I’ve decided I don’t want a roommate. I don’t want to depend on others to help me pay bills. I’ve learned that others simply cannot be relied on. So, self suffiency is the way for me, which entails that I get myself a smaller place. No, people can’t spend the night. No, they can’t cook in my kitchen and no they can’t make my bathroom smelly!

Let’s take a deeper look at why I am a bitch to live with due to my expectations:

*If you owe me money, and you know you owe me money, and you state that you will pay me on your next pay check, then you should DO SO. Otherwise, you fuckin lied to me, which, pisses me off. I have an EXCELLENT rental history and I am NOT about to fuck it up due to an financially irresponsible idiot roommate.

*Don’t lock me out of my own house. Ever. That’s a shitty fucking thing to do man.

*Nothing ruins a magical moment more than your roommate cracking open a bag of smelly fucking salmon. True story.

*If you cook in my kitchen, don’t wait two weeks later to clean it up. It smells like several animals died in there, at once, while pooping on each other. Sort of looks like that too. Disgusting.

*GET A LIFE! I don’t know if you have a job, or not, or wtf is going on, but on my day off I expect to have the livingroom to myself so I can do homework. Not have the fucking tv blaring with stupid Jerry Springer or Judge Judy on. Stop filling your head with useless garbage.

*******************************************************************************

Bottom line: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE. And stay out.

psych-facts:

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Find out if you’re an introvert of extrovert by following the link on here: http://neurolove.me/post/48232160310/are-you-introverted-or-extraverted

I come from a generation where we question everything. My grandmother’s generation questioned nothing. They believed that the government was there to help us and protect us and that they could be trusted. My parent’s generation was just the opposite and fought the government on everything and protested everything. My generation believes a little of both but believes that there is always some conspiracy behind it all and the number one influencer behind all government is money. If you have money, and invest it in government things, then in turn, that government will protect you. If you don’t have money, then what little you have they will try to influence you to give it to them and in turn, will try to help you, but they never do actually help those in need.

Any bombing anywhere is planned. By whom is the question we must investigate. I feel as though this is only the beginning stages of what will end up as a world war three. Bombings, explosions, illuminati, chem-trails, shootings, distractions while government passes laws about the food we eat and what is shared on the internet. Big brother wants to have insight to all his minions. He wants to watch what you do every minute of every day. Why do people walk around like drones attached to their cell phones that have GPS signals on them? So that officials can see everything we do and whom we do it with and for however long. Phones are the department of defense’s number one best idea ever to keep track of american citizens. You can call 911 from your phone, and not be able to talk, and an ambulance will be dispatched to your location. And somehow, this is all under the idea of ‘safety’ and is allowed. I am of the generation where phones and computers are attached to the hip and social media and social networking take precedence over personal interaction.

It’s time to wake up. It’s time to really see what’s going on. It’s time to put an end to conspiracies and evil in our corrupt world. Millions die due to our government going where it’s not supposed to go. People Support Our Troops all the time for the dumbest shit. I will NEVER support our troops. I do not advocate killing of innocent people by my government. Brace yourselves, WWIII is just around the corner. Are you ready for it?

This last week has been a bit crazy for me.

Last Sunday night, I hung out with Jon-Jon 2. Was wonderful to see him. We went out to eat bbq and then headed to his place. Played games all night and chatted. Was nice to catch up with him. Didn’t get home until 4 am.

Monday night Mels, Jon-Jon and I all went to Pinballz and played games. Had a blast. Jon came over and we hung out until 2 am.

Tuesday was Deibis last day. God I adore him. We went out to lunch as a team as a farewell for Deibis. After work, I went over to his place. His house is gorgeous! I’ve fallen in love with it. He has put a lot of hard work into it and is very proud of it, as he should be. I ended up spending the night there. I am so glad to have him as one of my best friends. I’ve been so fortunate to know him.

So then Wednesday I went to work, came home, and slept, seeing as thought I had not slept much this week. That was really needed.

Thursday I had off of work and ended up going out with Ben and walking twin creeks park. That was really cool. We hung out at the house and I ended up getting home at a decent hour, but we stayed up at talked until at least 2 am. So… I didn’t go to bed until late again.

Friday I stayed home and Raj and I relaxed watching tv and not doin much of anything.

Saturday at work, Deibis stopped by and surprised me. Ms. Sofia was with him. OMG is she adorable! She has his dimples and is just so cute! Last I heard, she was in Nebraska so I asked why she was with him and what a wonderful surprise and he said that his ex is moving back to Dallas, and came to Austin to visit and asked Deibis to watch Sofia for the night. Deibis was in heaven! The two of them are just so adorable together. Deibis and I talked and Sofia colored two pictures. She is showered with attention from him which she desperately needs. She is neglected by her real mom and it’s so sad. She is just so precious. As Deibis went to leave, I gave him a hug, and then out of the blue, Sofia came and hugged me too!!! I almost melted!!!! Gosh she is adorable! :-) I feel so honored that he stopped by so that I could finally meet her! <3 

Saturday after work, I went out to Pinballz again but this time, my parents me there. OMG.. my mom and dad were like little kids in a candy store. They loved it! So far, Dad has been the only person to consistently kick my ass at the Nascar game. The first game was rough, but he barely beat me. After getting used to it though, he ended up getting even better. Our driving skills aren’t too far off from each other. Had tons of fun and got home around 10 pm.

Today is Easter, so I had off of work. Melissa stopped by and we hung out for most of the day. Josh stopped by later on (her Josh, not mine) and we played Munchkin. They really liked it. We also played Polyanna which was also fun. Raj made curry lamb/potato food and it was good. Raj went to his ex’s place to see his son and Josh left, shortly after he left, Mels did too.

So this week has been eventful. I am so blessed to have awesome friends. It was so meaningful to me that Deibis brought his daughter for me to meet her. It meant the world to me. I am glad that he did it. I really miss him at work, and it hasn’t even been a week yet. :-( I know in my heart, that he will be one of my life long best friends, and I hope he knows how much I cherish him.

So that was my week. Pleasantly friendly meetings and much needed. I needed to know that I have friends I can count on all over Austin. Deibis doesn’t want me to move to Corpus, but next weekend is the trial run. I want to see how things will go. I am going to corpus just for the weekend to see how it feels. If I like it than the plans will take their course. If not, than other plans may be implemented. I do have a Plan B and a Plan C if Plan A doesn’t pan out. We will just have to see. 

I love all my friends and family, even if we don’t always get along. I am truly blessed. Sometimes you just have to count your blessings and see things differently.

Hugs,

Tabs

The power of the imagination is incredible. They say that if you can go their in the mind, then you can go there in life. Imagination is unstoppable. Dreams are what pushes a person to take giant steps of courage to do what they’ve always wanted to do. Imagination gives people the power to make the world a better place, but it can also give people the power to destroy.

My imagination has led to me a different course of life. It has been a dream of mine since I was a kid to live on the beach. When you take a big leap of faith, and you are going in the right direction in your life, everything falls into place. I have a friend who is going to let me stay at her place in Corpus until I can get on my own two feet. I have another friend willing to take care of my precious Tyler while I am away. Opportunities abound.

Not only do I want to live off the beach, I also want to study on the beach. Texas A&M CC has been my dream school since I was 18. I will go there this fall. Nothing will stop me. I will get my Bachelours in Psychology from TAMUCC.

I want to also see what it will take for me to become a certified tarot reader. I want to use tarot in combination with astrology to be a life coach which I can achieve with education in psychology. This, in a nutshell, is my dream. This is what I want to do with my life. There is hope again. There is light at the end of the tunnel, just as the 10 of swords suggests.

This life has taught me to put myself first. I am a giver. I am used to sacrificing myself in order to give to others. The martyr stance is not effective in this day of age. I have learned that when you put others first, they either take advantage of you (thank you Clay and Jon, Parents, and Sarah for teaching me this), or, they freak out and run away (thank you Brinney, Matt, Ray, Javier, for teaching me this). Either end of the spectrum is incorrect. I’ve learned that this world does not need you to give yourself away. This world needs us to focus on our own dreams, ideals, life, and what we want, and when we give ourselves so much attention, there is no need to criticize others, for we are consistently working on ourselves.

The Root Chakra explains that when you fear something, you are afraid and it immobilizes you to take action. To overcome this, one must find the courage take action. I am going to take action. I am going to achieve what I set out to do. I intend on living the life I want. I intend to put myself first, and sacrifice what I must in order to create this life I have imagined. Anything is possible. Me and my Li’l Black Sunshine are going to the beach in July!!!! :-)

I will cease the day. I will conquer today with determination. I will fulfill all my duties and obligations. I will seal my emotions away. I will be focused. I will set goals and achieve them. I will diligently work on my tasks. I will rise above self-doubt and destruction. I will accomplish a successful day today. So mote it be.

I feel like crying. Today has been such an aweful day. Not only did I find out that my roommate screwed me over, the guy that I adore didn’t even message me to tell me he couldn’t hang out with me tonight. Apparently I just want too much.

I just feel crappy. I want somebody to love me for who I am. I don’t want to have to dress a certain way or do a certain thing to get a guy’s attention. I want someone who will put effort forth too. Maybe he is just too nice to tell me he isn’t interested in me. I am not going to ask again. I foolishly asked once and that didn’t work out. I didn’t learn my lesson. I stupidly asked again. I am done asking. Rejection is horrific.

I wasted my whole day in thought. I got the books I need for my paper, but then I found out about my roommate and then I got preoccupied with the thoughts of hanging out with the guy of my dreams. I wasted a whole day.

I am disconnecting from the technological world. I deactivated my fb again. I am only using my phone as an alarm clock. I am going to bury my nose in my work and in school where it belongs. How naive I am to think that a guy might actually want to be with me. How thoughtless I am about my future to waste a day in my head.

I need focus. I need determination. I need to rethink my priorities. I want so badly to have a boyfriend that I lose myself. I want to be a devoted wife, someone who loves her husband with all her heart and soul. I want unconditional love. I want to be able to help people. I want to have friends who understand me. I want to be financially stable. I want a job that I love and enjoy and am not afraid that it is going to get ripped away from me at any second. I want to love my life.

I am usually so optimistic. When I fall, I fall hard. I wish I knew what I did wrong so as to not make the same mistakes in the future. How can I not make the same mistakes if I don’t know what they are?

Curly brown hair, beautiful green eyes, amazing smile…. all a fantasy. I guess I should forget about it all. Heartbreaking. Fucking tarot cards are  assholes. I hate you tarot. But I love you, for warning me of what’s to come. I should have paid more attention. I should have believed.

I’m going to knock his block off. Really. I am two seconds away from erupting like a volcano on his ass.

Mels messages me earlier to tell me that this guy Joseph messaged her to tell her that he has 4 more Bon Jovi tickets for $45 each up for grabs. Mels asks Joseph if they are in a different seating area and he said no, same area as the ones we already have. See, Raj got the tickets from Joseph. So I am piping pissed off now. Did he really buy the tickets from Joseph for $45 and turn around, charge me $60 and then get all angry because he spent so much money and just had to have me pay him back instantly?

To top it off, Jennifer messaged me to tell me that some title company has been calling her tryin to get in touch with Raj. He is ignoring their calls and Jen’s. So, he charged me $15 extra dollars per ticket, for 4 tickets, so really, and extra $60 (enough for another ticket) and turns around and can’t make his car payment? WTF? NEVER AGAIN. NEVER EVER EVER EVER. One thing I cannot tolerate is someone screwing me over. That’s as bad as someone lying to me. Nope. I am done. I have nothing to say to him. What an asshole.

I know many people who have this. I refuse to be this way. I’ve been hurt, but I should not take that hurt and pain out on somebody else. I’ve learned from my mistakes, and I’ve become cautious, but I will still let certain people in. Humans are social creatures. We need love and attention from other human beings. It is in our nature. Do not become callous because somebody treated you wrongly or badly. What you put out to the world, you get back three-fold. I love all my friends and family, even the ones that I don’t get along with anymore. Without them, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

~Tabs