It’s been a very long time since I last wrote on here. My life has changed dramatically, and for the better. I have the most incredible boyfriend a girl could wish for, I have gotten a promotion at work, I’m looking at buying a house/land, and as always, I have my itty-bitty kitty on my side.
I have some terrific friends too. I don’t always reach out to them. I’m not one of those people, that when I’m suffering, I reach out. Typically, if something goes awry in my life, I turn into a recluse and hide away in my home and think things through on my own before emerging out and implementing a solution to the problem at hand. Due to this behavior and recent life things going on, I’ve been a homebody and haven’t gone out much.
So James and I have been dating for almost 10 months now. It’s been incredible. Sometimes you just know things. He is so secure, and I love that because sometimes I’m all over the place. He is all of the other three signs that I lack. He is that dreamy Aquarius-Cancer I’ve always wanted, and he’s on the Capricorn/Aquarius cusp, making him super stubborn when he needs to be, but not all the time. It’s the best of both worlds. He can be aloof (always loved those aloof men) that’s the Aquarius in him, but he can be incredibly loving (which I adore being showered by his attention and compliments), which is the Cancer side of him. Then you toss in that hard working Capricorn, wanting a nice home, and being ok with staying home and watching movies instead of going to some crazy party, and wha-la, there’s my James! :-)
And me? I’m all the crazy fire, with double Saggitarius (sun and moon) I’m the passion, the new ideas, the drive, the ambition, I’m the get up and go of us. I’m the one that brings a little craziness to his smooth and steady self.
What I’ve always wanted was somebody that was emotionally stable, independent, understanding of my independent needs vs my clinginess, (he struggles with this too bc of the Aquarius/Cancer) and someone who could be my best friend throughout everything. The amount of support I’ve gotten from him over the last 10 months has been incredible. There are only three other people that have supported me as much as he has, My grandmother, my father, and my cousin Monika. Every choice I make, every fear I have, every ambition I have, he’s there for me. I’ve never had a significant other do something like this for me that is so unselfish. I can only hope that I return the favor.
People always have different expectations. When you do not meet the expectations of others, disappointment is sure to follow. I feel I’ve let a lot of people down in my life, and not all of them were necessarily my fault. I am only one person and I can only do so much. I’m learning to let go of the ‘failures’ in my life that really weren’t failures but other people trying to shove me into a mold that I was not created for. The only mold I will fit in is my own. If my life goals and dreams do not meet your expectations, than that is for you to deal with, not me. The only reason I ‘failed’ was because I wasn’t doing what I was meant to do, I was doing it for somebody else. I will never force anyone into a mold. I will accept everybody for whom they are and not try to expect extra out of them.
I’m very fortunate in all that I’ve endured to be the person I am today. I absolutely love my James and my Tyler. Such a lucky lady!!!